Running without someone calling the paramedics

I really blow at running.  I mean, it's really disgraceful.

This summer I tried to run.  I think it lasted about one week.  I can remember dreading the hills so I would go very, very slow.   On more than one occasion people would hear me coming and move to the side.  I'd yell out to them that I wouldn't be there for a few minutes. "I'll let you know when I'm close!" I'd pant.

And then there was the groaning.  Without me even realizing, I would grunt like I was being attacked.  I turned the corner one evening and scared these kids so much with my growl that they screamed for their father.  That's one way to make me run.  I live in Sackville, so I wasn't about to be chased down the street by a middle aged man sporting a Snap-on-Tools jacket with a matching home depot hat.

So, here's a great question, what should a woman do who:

1. Doesn't have enough time to shave her legs
2. Can't even coordinate a haircut
3. Loses her breath while drawing a shower

Answer:  voluntarily agree to run a half marathon of course!

But, there's a story behind this.  I heard a radio ad that advertised training for a marathon while fundraising for a charity.  I must have overdosed on my anti-depressants that morning, because I thought, "Perfect!  I'm in!".  I looked into it and realized that the honoured patient that we would be running for was actually someone that I know.  Gregor's mother and I met a few years ago through mutual friends.  I don't claim to know her well, but let's just say we've had a few drinks together on a few occasions.  She is AMAZING.  So, I was sold and signed up.

Our first team training session was on Saturday at 8 a.m., which, of course, was at the same time I was busting my mother out of the hospital.  Since I missed the first run, I decided I would run on my own on Sunday morning.  

Of course, I'm no running expert, I only have experience in walk/hopping and grunting so I didn't realize that when it's -10 outside you should probably wear more than just cotton yoga pants.  My ass and legs were so frozen that I couldn't even feel them jiggling behind me, which was sort of nice in a disgusting way.  My nose was the first to freeze which I should have thought of as I nodded at the more experienced runners on my route.  I still shudder when I think of how I smiled at them confidently, not knowing I had frozen snot crusted from my nose to my chin.

I ended up at the rink sweating like a whore in heat and I couldn't even remove my toque, due to the flattened mullet underneath.  I ran into the arena hoping that the freezing air would cool me off.  Instead it froze to my sweaty cotton pants and I walked out of there like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz.

Next run is tomorrow at some point.....so if you're in Sackville and see a pregnant woman running/limping/hopping down the street don't be concerned if she groans like a wild boar.  She's doing it for charity!!

XO

A