I smoke...but don't worry, I'm not Pregnant

I am a smoker.

I smoke cigarettes.

So, due to extenuating circumstances (like my lungs) I promised my beautiful mother that I would quit smoking.  She gave me a time allotment. Twice now I have been granted an extension.  Now Mamma Bartlett means business.

So, when the dust began to settle and the new year was approaching, I opened up the conversation with her about quitting.  She was no longer granting me any interest free loans of time.  This was it.  Although I was smoking less than 10 cigarettes a day I was going to need help.  I asked my Mom if she had heard anything about the Patch.  She told me that it was great.  Fantastic! I thought.  Maybe this will be easier than I had anticipated.  She then says, "it worked for your Father".  Wait a second,"You mean my Father that died of Lung Cancer?". Fuck it, I popped the patch on anyway.

Most people don't understand why I would continue to smoke after my father died.  To put it into context, withholding nicotine from a smoker in crisis is sort of like telling a dehydrated person that they can't have a glass of water.  It just can't happen.

The good news is that I've been smoke free for 11 days now.  My lovely co-workers are the only ones who got the brunt of my nicotine withdrawal.  Although I'm quite sure they didn't notice when I tombstoned the Staples man for bringing me the wrong paper.  I'm also sure it wasn't apparent either when I plugged my ears and rocked back and forth in my chair while beat boxing "Under Pressure".

More useful information about me is that I have Newfoundland flowing through my blood and, moreover, my mother's maiden name is Brushett.  The Latin meaning of Brushett is:  Strength and pride while continuing to showcase a look of a 25 week offspring in the midsection post child-rearing.


Please remember this explanation as I reminisce about entering a room over the holidays and there stood an old friend that I hadn't seen in months.  She joyfully exclaimed "I didn't know!" and proceeded to touch my turkey jerky.  I advised that I also didn't know and began to stuff my face with Smartfood.  Unfortunately, I was not drunk and did not have a cigarette in my hand.  Had I been smoking, this whole situation could have been avoided.

The one and only time smoking would have proven beneficial and I was pretending to be healthy.

Ah well.  My stomach may be fully insulated, but at least my lungs will be clean in approximately 20 years.

Life is good : )

XO

A