Here I go...

Here I am, no longer a blogger virgin.  Well, at least I kept my virtue slightly longer in the blogging world. That's got to be worth something.  Yes?

So, here I am, kids lying awake in their rooms asleep.    Me sitting down with another herbal tea.  This is apparently supposed to squash my appetite.  I'm not so positive that's happening.  However, if I wake up tomorrow with potpourri growing out of my ears, I'll know why.

I have to tell everyone a huge secret.  I am being stalked.  This is scary shit and I'm in need of some serious help.  The most horrendous part is that it's the government.

So, I received something in the mail three months ago talking about toddlers.  Apparently Statistics Canada wants to learn more about behavioural traits in toddlers, and how, coincidently, I have a toddler...blah blah blah.  I do nothing about it.  Absolutely nothing.  So two months later, my phone rings.  Instead of screening, I pick up.  Stats Can is on the other end (....note to self, continue screening calls).  Turns out they want to do a "quick" survey about my kiddie.  I pretend that I'm being interviewed for parenting magazine in order to make it more enjoyable.  The problem is, the interview won't end. Every question is going back farther and farther..."When your daughter was approximately six hours, 32 minutes and 15 seconds old, what colour socks were you wearing"...that type of stuff.  Suddenly I am a misunderstood celebrity and I need to cut this interview off pronto.

Long story short, I shut it down before they could continue and I suggest they call me after Christmas.  I know what you're thinking, why didn't I tell them I would never finish the survey?  Here's the thing, I think, deep down, I truly enjoy it.

Look at it this way, they call twice a night (just for me!).  They will never give up until they talk to me (just me!!).  Suddenly I'm this crazy hot commodity.  Suddenly Stats Canada is that crazy hot Red Shirt that I used to see at the gym.  Suddenly I'm a size six with long flowing hair over my shoulders and just happen to be standing over an air vent which is forcing me to hold my dress down while seductively holding my knees together and at the same time screening my call.

Laugh all you want, but it's working.  And they keep calling.

XO

A